Ep 183: How to Stop Using Alcohol to Cope With Overwhelm

For the woman who drinks because her life is genuinely a lot — this one is for you. In this episode Christie talks about why alcohol feels like the only off switch at the end of an overwhelming day, what it's actually doing to your capacity over time, and three practical things to simplify your life so the craving loses its grip. Plus: the pitcher plant analogy that explains exactly how we slide in, Christie's birthday solo lunch story, and what real self-care actually looks like.

Topics covered: The pitcher plant — how alcohol draws you in and keeps you there | Who this episode is for — the high-achiever, the homeschooling mom, the work-from-home woman, the woman who lives alone | What alcohol is actually doing to your overwhelm over time | Christie's birthday solo lunch — what real rest actually feels like | Three practical ways to simplify your life | Holy self-care vs. numbing | One thing to do tonight when the craving hits

Referenced: Annie Grace, This Naked Mind — the pitcher plant analogy Psalm 23 — "He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul."

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Transcript

 Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives, women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, Kristy Walker. I'm a wife, mom, and a joy-filled Catholic, and I am the Catholic sobriety coach, and I am so glad you're here I want to paint a picture for you. It's 4:30 in the afternoon, and you have been going since 6:00 AM. You've worked or homeschooled or managed a household or all three simultaneously. You've answered approximately 435 questions from people who need things from you. Dinner needs to happen. There's a thing tonight. Someone needs to be somewhere, and your brain, your beautiful, capable, completely exhausted brain, is just done. And the easiest, fastest, most reliable off switch you know is a glass of wine. And I understand why. I really do. And today, I wanna talk about what's actually happening when you reach for it and what you can do instead that doesn't steal from tomorrow to pay for today. Now, Annie Grace is the author of This Naked Mind, which if you haven't read that-- Annie Grace, the author of This Naked Mind, which if you haven't read it, I really recommend it. She uses this analogy that I love and I think about often. So have you ever heard of the pitcher plant? It's a carnivorous plant, which means it's meat-eating, and the way it works is that it produces something sweet that attracts insects. The bug comes. It's drawn in by something that smells good, and it feels like a reward. And it starts to drink and drink and drink, and the walls of the plant are so slippery that the bug can't get out. It just slides deeper and deeper until the plant eventually consumes it. And that's alcohol because it draws you in with something real. The relief is real. That buzzed feeling, it feels good in the moment. The numbing of the noise, it feels like relief Oh, wait. It draws you in with something real. The relief is real, the dopamine is real, and the way that it quiets the noise of a completely overwhelming day, well, that's real too. And so you come back, and you come back, and you come back, and the walls get a little more slippery every single time. And that's how that plant works. But here's the great news. Alcohol isn't actually the plant. But here's the great news. The plant doesn't get to win and alcohol doesn't get to win because unlike the bug, you can see what's actually happening and that awareness is where your power is. Now, I coach a lot of different women, different seasons, different circumstances, different kinds of busy. But when it comes to overwhelm and alcohol, the stories sound very similar sometimes. So let me paint a few pictures. These aren't specific women, they're just patterns that I see over and over across hundreds of conversations. So there's the woman with a high demanding career. She's great at her job. She loves her job, but the job asks everything of her. Long hours, high stakes, constant performance. And after work, there are often social obligations. The drinking is woven into the culture and opting out feels like opting out of belonging. She doesn't opt out and the habit builds. Then there's the woman working from home. Her office is forty feet from her kitchen. The line between work and rest is thin. She finds herself answering emails at 9:00 PM and reaching for wine because honestly, it's the only thing that signals to her body that work is actually over. Then there's the homeschooling mom. She has chosen something beautiful and hard. To be her children's primary educator-- To be her children's primary educator while also running a household, supporting her husband, managing everyone's everything. She loves her kids fiercely. She also has approximately zero time that belongs to only her. She also has approximately zero time that belongs to only her, and at the end of the day, when the last lesson is done and dinner is cleaned up and everyone is finally in bed, she just needs something that's just hers. There's also the woman who's retired or widowed or living alone. The days are long, and the evenings are longer, and when the outside is too hot or too cold to go anywhere, the quiet settles in, and a glass of wine feels like company. All of these women are reaching for the same thing. Not alcohol exec- not alcohol, exactly. Relief, rest, something that says the day is done and you're allowed to stop now. And that need is legitimate. The method, however, is the problem. So I talked in a previous episode about how alcohol doesn't actually give you energy. It removes the mental friction that's preventing you from using the energy you already have. But today, I wanna go a step further here for the woman whose overwhelm is the primary driver, and here's what's happening over time. Alcohol disrupts sleep. There's no doubt about it. I challenge you, if you have a sleep app or a ring or something, to really look at those evenings when you have consumed alcohol and those evenings when you have not and just see And just see, because it's not just the quantity, it's actually the quality. It fragments the deep restorative sleep your brain needs to actually recover from a demanding day. So you wake up the next morning a little more depleted than yesterday, a little more behind, a little more in need of something to get through the day. Alcohol also increases anxiety, not immediately, in the moment-- not immediately. In the moment, it quiets the nervous system. But as it leaves your system, stress hormones rebound. So the anxiety that you are managing with wine at five PM, oh yeah, it's coming back at seven AM, and it's a little louder than before. And as we've talked about before, alcohol affects your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that manages decisions, priorities, and impulse control. So the same part that runs your demanding job... It's also the same part that runs your demanding job, manages your household, educates your children. You are literally borrowing against the very resource that makes you capable of everything that you're trying to do. You are stealing from tomorrow to get through today, and tomorrow keeps coming Now, I want to tell you about something I did for my birthday when my twins were around ten or twelve and my youngest was maybe four or six. My husband offered to take the day off, which was incredibly sweet, and I looked at him and said, "I just want a day by myself." So he got me a bunch of gift cards, and I took myself out to lunch. I got a pedicure. I went shopping. I just moved through a day at my own pace with nobody needing anything from me. And here's the funny part, though. Lunch by myself at a restaurant felt genuinely awkward. I hadn't done that since I was single, and I didn't know what to do with my hands. I kept looking at my phone. I was wondering if people were looking at me, wondering why I was by myself, and it took me a good twenty minutes to settle in. But I did, and it was wonderful, and I came home a completely different person than the one who left that morning, not because I did anything extreme, but because I had actually rested, actually stopped, actually let my nervous system calm all the way down instead of just numbing it into submission. And that's what I want for you, too. Not just a break from alcohol, a real break, the kind that actually fills you right back up. So how do you actually get there? So how do you even get there? How do you simplify your life enough that alcohol stops feeling like the only option? I want to give you three things. Not ten, three. The first one is to write down everything that is on your plate and ask what can come off. Seriously. Get a piece of paper. Write it all down. Everything you're managing, responsible for, showing up for, and then look at that list and ask, "What on here is actually mine to carry? What on here could someone else do? What on here could be let go entirely, at least for this season?" Because a lot of overwhelmed women are carrying things that just don't belong to them, things they picked up out of habit or guilt or the belief that nobody else would do it right, and some of those things can come off, I promise you. They can. Maybe not permanently, but maybe some of them can. Take them off, and that is gonna g- And some of those things can come off, maybe not permanently, but just enough to give you room to breathe. Now, the second is to schedule rest and honor it like an appointment. Not someday. I want you to do it this week. Look at your calendar and put something in it that is just for you. A walk, a lunch alone, an hour with a book, a pedicure, and then treat it the way you would treat a client meeting or a school pickup, as a non-negotiable. I know how easy it is to let the thing that you've planned for yourself be the first thing that gets sacrificed when life gets too demanding. But you would not cancel on someone else that way. You would not let a client down. You would not leave your kids stranded. You do not want to keep disappointing yourself either. And every time you cancel on yourself, you send a message that your needs don't matter as much as everyone else's. And sister, that message, it's a lie, and it feeds the habit that promises to meet those needs at 5:00 PM And the third thing that I'm going to give you is to take... And the third tip I'm going to give you is to take shortcuts and ask for help without apologizing for it, without feeling guilty. Grocery delivery? Yes, please. Meal kits? Do it. Pre-cut vegetables? Yes. These are not failures of your ability to maintain your home. These are tools. And for a woman who is managing at a high level in multiple areas of her life, and for a woman who is managing at a high level in multiple areas of her life, removing one decision from her day, "What's for dinner? Do I have to go to the store?" That is not laziness, it's a strategy. And ask for help from your husband, from your kids. Yes, even the young ones can do more than you think. Ask your mom, a friend. You do not have to do all of this alone. And the belief that you do is one of the most ... And the belief that you do is one of the loneliness, loneliness And the belief that you do is one of the loneliest and most exhausting lies that the culture has handed to you. Call your mom and say, "I just need two hours. Can you come?" Call a friend and say, "I have a free afternoon. Can we go to lunch?" Tell your husband, "I need Thursday evening to be mine. What do we need to rearrange to make that happen?" These are not selfish requests. These are not selfish requests. These are how a woman who is giving everything to everyone else stays alive inside her own life. Now, I also, I have to say this as well. There's something about the phrase self-care Now, I want to say something about the phrase self-care because I think it has been so co-opt by the culture that it's lost its actual meaning. Real self-care is not a glass of wine and a bubble bath. Real self-care is tending to the soul that God gave you. It's sleep, it's movement, it's beauty, music, nature, art, the things that remind you that you're a human being and not just a function. It's prayer. It's community. It's the kind of rest that actually restores instead of just numbing. Hear me when I say this. Wine is not self-care. It is not. Wine is borrowing from tomorrow, and tomorrow it'll be here. So here's what I want you to hear. You are allowed to rest, not as a reward for finishing everything. You will never finish everything. You are allowed to rest as a practice, as a rhythm, as an act of stewardship of the one body and soul that God gave you. Psalm twenty-three says, "He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." That restoration is not an accident. It's something He actively wants for you. Not the numbed-out, foggy wine so-- Not the numbed-out, foggy, wine-soaked version of rest. The real thing, the kind that fills you back up. You are not designed to run on empty and pour from a depleted cup, and alcohol has been making you believe that depletion And alcohol has been making you believe that depletion is just the price of life And alcohol has been making you believe that depletion is just the price of the life you've chosen, and it's not. There is another way. I want to give you one thing to do tonight, just one. When the overwhelm hits, when it's four thirty or five and the off-switch craving fires, before you pour anything, ask yourself one question: What do I actually need right now? Not what do I want. What do I need? Maybe you need five minutes of quiet. Can you get that? Close the bathroom door. Sit outside for five minutes. Put your headphones in and listen to one song that makes you feel like yourself. Maybe you need to move your body. Not a workout per se, just movement or a stretch. Walk to the end of the driveway and back. Stretch for three minutes. My favorite is to vacuum something. Movement shifts your body chemistry faster than almost anything else Maybe you need beauty. Put on some worship music or put on music from the '90s or what- whatever makes you feel most alive. Let your nervous system remember something good. Maybe you need to talk to someone. Text your husband, call your mom, send a voice memo to a friend. Maybe you need to schedule something for yourself this week and actually put it in your calendar right now before you forget, before the moment passes, before life closes back in. Any of these things, even the smallest one, is choosing yourself. It's building the foundation. It's telling your brain, it's telling your brain that there is another way to get what you need. And every time you choose it, the plant's walls get a little less slippery So here's what I want you to carry from today. The overwhelm is real. The exhaustion is real. The need for an off switch at the end of the day... The need for an off switch at the end of a long day... And the need for an off switch at the end of a long day is completely legitimate. Alcohol just isn't the right switch. It borrows from tomorrow to pay for today, and tomorrow is right around the corner. What you actually need is rest, real rest, the kind that fills you back up instead of stealing from you while you sleep. Write down what you can take off your plate. Schedule something for yourself and honor it. Take the shortcut. Ask for help. Put on music. Dance around the kitchen. Go for a walk. Sit outside for five minutes with something you actually enjoy drinking that's not alcohol. You're not too busy for this, I promise. You are too busy not to do this. Next week, we are going to talk about something I've been sitting with and something that I think a lot of you need to hear heading into fall. I'll tell you more soon. You don't wanna miss it. Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well. And make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach, and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer, visit my website, thecatholicsobrietycoach.com. Follow me on Instagram @thecatholicsobrietycoach. I look forward to speaking to you next time. And remember, I am here for you. I am praying for you. You are not alone.